30 Ways to Cope With Grief During Thanksgiving

Regardless of when the death of a loved one occurs, we often feel the absence of our beloved family member, friend or pet most keenly during a holiday because so many of our memories, traditions and rituals involved him or her. This article offers 30 ideas – one for each day in November – to help you honor and remember a deceased loved one and find some peace before, during and after Thanksgiving Day.

• Whether you prefer using a computer or pen and paper, journal your favorite Thanksgiving memories about your loved one (and continue adding entries during the holiday each year thereafter). Writing down your thoughts and feelings often proves an effective way to cope with grief.

• Many communities hold fundraising walks/runs during the Thanksgiving holiday, so participate in a walk/run to support a cause your loved one would champion, or to help find a cure for the illness/disease from which he or she died. Exercise can help take your mind off your loss and also work off some of those Thanksgiving-meal calories.

• If you’re hosting the Thanksgiving festivities this year, create a memory board and display it in your home.

• Leave an empty chair and place setting at your holiday table in honor/memory of your loved one. If this gesture proves too challenging emotionally, skip the plates and silverware and place the empty chair off to the side.

• During the holiday meal, offer a special toast in your loved one’s memory and/or ask your family members and friends to share their favorite Thanksgiving memories of the deceased (if you feel up to it).

• Donate food or an entire meal to someone who might otherwise go hungry this Thanksgiving, or make a financial contribution to an organization that feeds those in need.

• If the weather/season in your area permit, plant a tree in memory of the deceased to serve as a living reminder of the love you carry in your heart – not just on Thanksgiving but every day of the year.

• If you’re hosting the holiday festivities this year, light a special candle or small electric lamp, perhaps next to a favorite photograph, as a quiet reminder signifying your loved one’s presence in your heart and mind during Thanksgiving.

• Using software or an app, create a tribute video from your favorite photographs and/or existing video of your beloved, set it to music and share it with your family members and friends after the meal.

• If you’re asked to bring a dish for the holiday meal, prepare your loved one’s favorite food and mention this fact as you pass it around the table.

• Ask family members and friends to help you craft a “memory capsule” by contributing meaningful items associated with your loved one, such as cards, letters, photographs, mementos, etc. Place them in a sturdy vessel and bury it on your property after holding a small ceremony or sharing a favorite memory, if you wish.

• Volunteer to help a local service organization or your place of worship fulfill its mission of helping those in need during the holiday.

• The long Thanksgiving weekend provides a great opportunity to clean out your closet and/or dresser and donate your gently used clothing in your loved one’s memory – particularly jackets, coats, gloves, hats, etc. – to others who might benefit from them as colder weather approaches.

• Hospices, funeral homes and places of worship often hold remembrance services on or around Thanksgiving because holidays can prove challenging for surviving loved ones. Therefore, attend a remembrance service, which usually incorporates music, inspirational and/or religious readings, and other special moments to help grievers honor and remember their departed loved ones.
  

• As noted above, exercise offers many benefits, particularly after a heavy Thanksgiving Day meal, so get outside and walk around your neighborhood or visit a park you associate with a beloved family member and/or pet.
  

• The true meaning of Thanksgiving is about giving thanks for the blessings in our lives, including our family members and friends. In that spirit, create and give memorial gifts to those who knew your beloved, such as personalized silicone wristbands, memorial window decals, framed photos, memorial garden stones, handcrafted items, etc.
  

• In days past, families often chose to watch a home movie of earlier Thanksgivings, holidays or other meaningful moments. If you feel up to it, gather everyone around and view a blast-from-the-past in whatever format you have available.
  

• Make a financial contribution to a cause your beloved would champion, whether in his or her name, or anonymously.
  

• Thanksgiving is a time for giving thanks but many find this difficult given their circumstances. Therefore, “adopt” a less-fortunate family, whether through your church or other local charitable organization, and help make their holiday brighter in memory of your loved one.
  

• After the holiday meal, attach a note written to your loved one to a helium-filled balloon and release it outside with your family members and friends present. (This action can prove more cathartic than you might think.)
  

• During the long holiday weekend, visit your loved one’s gravesite or the place where you scattered his or her cremated remains, share your feelings with him or her, and leave some flowers or a memento to signify his or her continued presence in your heart and mind. This is also a great time to clean the headstone or gravemarker, weather permitting.
  

• After your holiday meal, watch your loved one’s favorite movie, whether with other family members and friends or just by yourself.
  

• Create a “memory chain” by writing your favorite Thanksgiving memories, your present feelings, adjectives that reflect your loved one’s special qualities, or the things for which you feel thankful onto strips of colored paper (each about 8″ long by 1″ high). Form interlinking loops with each piece to create a chain you can use to frame a doorway, hang on a wall or drape along the edge of your dinner table.

• We often associate the Thanksgiving holiday with tasty food and special dishes, so contact an area hospice, nursing home, shelter or other caregiving facility in advance to determine if you could bake/cook and then deliver cookies, candies and/or other special foods to brighten the holiday for someone else.

• If you’re hosting the holiday celebration this year, ask family members and friends to bring a small memento, favorite photograph or personal note they can quietly place on a “memory table” you set up in your home in your loved one’s honor.

• Create a special centerpiece using items from around your house and/or purchased from a craft store, and then place it on your Thanksgiving Day table.

• If you feel up to it, take a road trip and spend the long holiday weekend in your beloved’s favorite location or somewhere meaningful, attend his or her favorite sporting or recreational event, or perform an activity that the two of you loved doing together.

• Today, many families decorate their homes for Thanksgiving so make a memorial wreath for your front door or above the hearth by adding ornaments, decorations and/or photographs of your beloved to a real/artificial wreath.

• If you feel up to it, schedule some private time before or after your holiday celebration to write a love letter to your beloved and pour out the thoughts and feelings you would express if he or she were with you. Afterward, seal it in an envelope and tuck it away in a special place.

• Whether you perform a few of the preceding suggestions or think of some other meaningful way to remember your loved one this Thanksgiving, the greatest gift you can give your beloved is to just remember. The only form of immortality available to us is to live on in the hearts and minds of our loved ones, so trust your instincts and do whatever feels right to you.